Become A Royal

Hi guys. Sniffer here. Well, in another one of their never ending devious ways to exploit me for their monetary gain, STM Enterprises, or Funerprises, as they like to call themselves, are again putting me up for more exploitation. This time, big-time.

STM wants to offer me as a spokes-personality to major international corporations. They’ve already had some interest and are pitching me to several.
Fans, I don’t want to be sold this way, or rather should I say, sold to sell some hotel chain, fast food company, or pet products line. My mission in life was decided long ago, and it is to be the liaison between dogs and humans; to act as an anthropologist between the two species and thereby bring greater harmony and understanding between us. I can’t afford to be representing some mere sales effort for the extra daily dog bone STM throws my way.
If you really love me and want me to continue doing what I do for you fans, you can become part of the crusade to keep Sniffer The Maltese from selling his soul to $$$. How do you do this? I’m offering royal titles in the Knights Royal Society of Royal Maltisian Royals. Yes, you too can become a full-fledged Royal Maltisian Knight.
The Knighthood comes with countless perks, not least of which are the initials KRSRMR after your name, and the medal pictured below, The Star Burst of Merna.
 

 

 
That’s my great-great forebear, the first Royal Maltisian of our line, Dane The Great, KRSRMR to The Court of Charlemagne, like a thousand years ago. Anyway, you get the medal with case. Think of how you will feel wearing it on your breast!
So, not only will you be doing a good deed, you will be elevating your status in society. All the other advantages and goodies that come with this honor will be included with the medal mailed to you.
All you have to do is send me $1000 today! That’s all. Email using the contact form linked above, and I’ll give you further instructions on how to proceed.
I know you’re excited, so don’t delay. There are only 100 of these opportunities. Don’t be shut out! Act today! Must be 18 years of age to participate – or get parental permission.
Thanks, guys. I look forward to your excitement.
 
Sniffer The Maltese, KRSRMR