Dear
Sniffer The Maltese.
My owner
plays electronic bagpipe twelve hours a day, and has me strapped to his leg all
that painful time. My ears are bleeding. Help me, Sniffer.Dear Poor Tortured Animal. I have received many pleas for help, and never have I been unable to solve the desperate problem. Unfortunately, this is the first. I’m sorry. I’m unable to offer help.
He wrote
back.
Please, Sniffer, you must
try. You’re my last hope. I’m dying out here with this lunatic. I mean, look at
this picture!
Dear Suffering Dog at the Hands of a Human Lunatic (of which unfortunately there are many), I cannot condone, suggest, or prescribe on my website what you must do. Please private message me.
We exchanged correspondence that I must keep private in order to protect my abused fan. But here’s his last message of appreciation.
Thank you, Sniffer. You saved my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Would you like to buy a slightly used baseball bat?